The drain of a bad job ​

• Posted on: September 14, 2019
• Read Time: 6 minutes

Currently, I work at a store – let’s call it “Unpleasantland” – and, in case it’s not yet obvious, I dislike my job. I work in shifts, which either start at 5am or 1pm. That’s a BIG difference. It’s main side effect being that my sleep schedule is never fixed. I’m in constant “zombie-mode”. To top that up, my job is often physically demanding. Carrying heavy things, power-walking everywhere, lots of bending and stretching. It honestly feels like being on a gym.[^Good things is: I’ve actually gotten a bit muscular since starting this job!]

Why am I saying all this? Because lately I have been having a hard time being productive. Once my projects go from “new and eager” to “routine and pre-structured” some of the excitement starts to wear off.[^Which is by NO MEANS to say that my projects no longer excite me – otherwise I frankly wouldn’t be doing them anymore.] As a consequence – without that adrenaline rush of a new idea – it becomes ever harder to physically find the energy to start getting stuff done.

That was killing me.

The idea of being “lazy”. “Unproductive”. “Unwilling”, maybe? I didn’t know what to call it, but it seemed obvious that I didn’t have anyone to blame other than myself. So my self-confidence went down. Fast.

That was… until my vacation came around.

I had one week off and the most impressive thing happened: I got stuff done! The lack of TV, the shortcuts I made to automate my processes, the lists to clarify what I have to do… they weren’t all wasted in a person like me. They just weren’t used because I didn’t have the energy[^not the will] to use them.

So here’s what I did. During my time off, I’ve prioritised 4 things:

• Sleep[^if anyone can make this list consistent by using an F word related to “Sleep”, let me know! #OCD_brain];
• Food;
• Fun;
• Family.

My first order of business during my vacation was to determine when I would be going to bed. The first night, I didn’t set an alarm. But afterwords, I set myself a window of time with a few alarms to wake me up. That alone did me a world of good. I actually felt energised upon waking up. And I can’t remember when was the last time that had happened. Sure, I didn’t jump out of my mattress every morning. That’s just not me. But I’d no longer feel the urge to turn around and fall back asleep. I’d start reading, chat with my wife, browse reddit, plan my day… I was awake! In the morning! It felt awesome!

Another thing that I set out to do was determine when I’d eat each day. So that I was mostly eating at regular intervals. I’m not a big fan of breakfasts, so I’d delay them until closer to 10am.[^So about 3 hours after I’ve been awake.] As opposed to hurrying up top eat because I have to leave for work soon. That, I noticed, seemed to make me – ironically – less concentrated on food. I’d do my thing (reading, writing, gaming, etc.) until it felt like my mind needed a break. At which point I’d simply check the time. If it were already (or past) 10am, 2pm, 5pm or 8pm, I’d eat something . If not, I’d just look for something else to do and forget about time or food until my mind required another break. Quite frankly, I didn’t expect it to work this well. But it did. Maybe it’s related to decision fatigue or something. That by not having to consider whether or not should I eat, it somehow freed up brain power to better focus whatever I was doing. I’m not sure. Whichever the case, I hardly recommend others to try this for a while and see if it helps their particular lifestyle.

Thirdly: fun! I never have time for fun. Or at least that’s how it often feels like. Being mostly busy with work or fighting my own tiredness, it seems hard to carve out a few hours to play video games, to meet with friends, to go out and play with my family… I’m just kinda never in the mood. All I want to do during my free-time is sleep. Or eat. Or both. Either way, nothing too exerting. So this time around I made “fun” my go-to activity whenever the time wasn’t right to eat.

Lastly, being tired makes me really neglectful of home chores. That can be hard on a roommate. And an unhappy roommate makes for a stressful domestic life.

Now imagine that you’re also married to your roommate.

Yeah…

So I made a point to always schedule one activity in my day that would benefit my domestic life. Be that to do chores, to play with my dog, to spend time with my wife… whatever it was that would make my home feel like a nice, harmonious environment. To that goal, I tried to make sure that my wife wasn’t stressed with house duties. That my dog got entertained. And that the flat was tidy. There‘s a sense of accomplishment that comes with a neat apartment. Most prominently, the one I get when my wife smiles at me with relief/gratitude. Let me tell you, nothing beats that!

Taking all the previous steps into account, here‘s how a regular day would work out:

For each day, I had a thing planned. A goal, so to speak. Sometimes it‘d be go out with my family. Others, it‘d be to do chores. Maybe even write something for this very site. Whatever the case, My day would revolve around that activity. And I‘d always set a time for that. Mostly around 3pm. So I‘d wake up, read a bit. Then – once I couldn’t concentrate anymore – look at the clock. If it were 10 am already, I‘d eat. If not, probably either watch YouTube videos or play video games. Once I got bored of that, it was definitely 10am. By then my wife would be awake. So, first, we‘d have breakfast. After that, we‘d usually go out with our dog for a few hours. That kept us busy until about 1pm. At which point we‘d most likely watch a TV show for awhile. During that, I‘d glance at the clock every now and then to make sure we didn’t start a new episode after 3pm. Once that time came around, I’d get up and work on my main activity of the day for at least 2 hours[^Yes. Just 2. After all, it still was my vacation time!]. I’d allow myself to get distracted and to have snack breaks, but – in a given day – I’d use a stopwatch to make sure I worked at least 2 hours. No matter what time I was done with it or how many interruptions I had.

As disciplined as it sounds, it’s hard to describe how undisciplined it feels. There’s so much flexibility built into this system. So much time allocated to fun and to things I find personally rewarding. Honestly, I can’t remember a time I felt better about how I organise my day. Also – possibly the most motivating aspect of all this -, in spite of the fact I was just putting 2 hours a day into “productivity”, my daily to-do list only grew smaller! That list is so often a reason for me to feel bad. Especially when a day is over and no items have been crossed out. I feel awful! Now, however, it only shrank during my vacation! Plus, there wasn’t a single time in which I felt stressed about it. I often barely noticed I was getting stuff done until I reviewed my list before going to bed at night.

And this is exactly my point with this article. “The drain of a bad job”. Having had some time off, I realised my lack of productivity was much more a result of physical exhaustion than some kind of inherent personality flaw. The relief that conclusion has brought me is indescribable. But it’s made a big impact on my life, hence why I’m writing this here.

I’m about to start a new job soon. In which, I hope, I’ll be less tired[^for starters, it will no longer entail such a drastic impact on my sleep!], therefore, more able to move forward with all of my plans. I’m very happy with this change. It came at just the right time for me. So I want to finish this by simply sharing my simple, unimportant story as one of many existing examples of an old, corny phrase I keep forgetting to apply to my own life:

Believe in yourself.